#35: A silent end to adolescence
My “nice guy” attitude cost me many opportunities and memories in High School, stuff I still regret today.
For the next few days after being shot down by my crush, I felt a great emptiness over me. I could barely eat…I just felt like a zombie. I was just absolutely sick about things and lounged around on the couch all day. So this was what it was like to feel heartache and rejection and it felt absolutely horrible. Yet, I hadn’t learned anything from the experience. “Maybe one day I’ll find out why she rejected me…maybe it was her parents,” I naively thought. When you’re a nice guy, every other reason applies other than the simple hard truth….she’s just doesn’t like YOU, stupid.
I did eventually regain my composure but the whole incident really hurt my confidence with approaching women at the time. I put the box containing the gold necklace in my closet and promised one day that I would put it around the neck of the “one true girl” out there for me. (Sound just a little familiar…Bruce?) To this very day, I cringe whenever Valentine’s day comes around and I see all those fucking flowers being delivered around work. I don’t even like looking at flower shops. They constantly remind me of a time when I was weak, creepy and stupid. As far as I’m concerned, flowers should be saved for gardens and decoration only.
My Senior year of High School came and went and other than a stunt I pulled on the school that pissed off the Senior class, I was a ghost in every sense of the word. There would be no Senior Prom for me, no final dance, no last memories. I would not be having sex as a teenager. High school and my childhood was over.
In the end, I only had myself to blame for all of that.
valentine Says:
May 5th, 2008 at 6:42 am
My time in high school was just as depressing, if not even more. No prom or ball for me. I didn’t even have friends in high school.
Nik Says:
May 5th, 2008 at 10:06 am
I think everyone has an unrequited love from that time in our lives. It’s no fun growing up and junior high and high school are awkward as hell. I think what you did is kind of romantic. I have never had a secret admirer but I think it would be sweet and fun. As long as it didn’t get creepy…
The Virgin Says:
May 5th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Unfortunately it’s one thing to be flattered by it, and it’s another thing entirely to be ATTRACTED by it. It took me years to figure that out.