#53: Unplugging from the Matrix (Part 3)
“Welcome…to the real world.”
I got Doc Love’s book and spent every lunch hour at work reading it. I felt like I was getting hit upside the head with a brick at every page. Every page was a new revelation and the funny thing is that he wasn’t talking about any backwards kind of ideas, it was common sense stuff that had been right in front of me to begin with.
Doc pointed out that it was the male ego that blinded him from spotting signals of female disinterest and/or manipulation. Overestimating how she felt about him. A man could not accept the truth of the matter: she wasn’t interested in HIM.
When it comes to love, the man’s ego:
- Overlooks Miss Wrong’s bad attitude
- Overlooks ominous signs in the relationship
- Always overrates her Interest Level
- Rationalizes her putdowns and zingers
- Blinds him to reality
Not that women made it easy…there were the double standards that men had to endure in society when it came to dating. For example, why was it was wrong for a man to seek self-improvement in dating and accused by women as “manipulative” and “playing games,” and yet the public said nothing about tabloids at the checkout with articles such as “Wrap him around your little finger” and books like “The Rules?” What about the women who led guys on, dated just to get free meals or not be alone that night, and gave out false phone numbers or false hopes? Those are NOT playing games either?
I had never thought about it that way before…those things did happen. It happened to me…it happened to my friends…hell, it happened to men everywhere. The real question was…WHY were men tolerating this? Just for a piece of ass or acceptance? Why had we not noticed this before?
The last piece of the puzzle had to do with attraction. Doc stated that a major element of female attraction was challenge, and that was something that “nice guys” did not provide. They brought her flowers. They paid for expensive dates and meals. They told her their “feelings.” They spent hours on the phone with them. While the girl might think it’s cute for a while, she would never truly respect the guy and would eventually leave him for someone else or return to the dating pool once she got sick of it.
“When a woman says a guy is “nice,” she is really saying that he is weak, i.e., he will do anything for her. Rather than get appreciation, he gets — as Rodney Dangerfield says — “no respect.” - Doc Love
What made this completely dangerous was that there were women out there who knew how to take advantage of suckers like this and lead guys on for meals, gifts, attention, etc. and would use whoppers to cover her tracks from being called out on (“Who, me?” “I don’t play games.” etc)
Men needed to accept that while they were the pursuers, women ultimately did the choosing and no amount of chasing or trying to gain her approval would change her mind. All that mattered in the end was her “interest level,” either it was high enough for her to like you or it was too low for her to not. If she really liked you, she would not make it hard for you such as hesitations to give the home phone number and/or flaking or confirming dates. If she didn’t, then she would be making it difficult for you…which is a guy’s signal to move on and spend time with someone more worthwhile.
The most important lesson I learned: what a woman says she wants and what she actually responds to are often two different things. In other words, don’t pay so much attention to what she says - rather pay attention to her actions towards you. So true…just like how women were with the guys with attitude despite the nice guy doing everything she said she liked.
I won’t go through each of the numerous concepts and revelations I read and discovered. However, I will say that everything in that book sparked something in me to opened my eyes. I thought back to every single thing I had done wrong in the past and as I viewed the bad and hurtful memories from a brand new perspective, I thought I was going to be sick.
name Says:
May 30th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Virgin, no matter what your book says, all women are different. Some women want nothing more than to be worshiped. I’m sure you’ve met married couples where the husband is a total doormat. The type who will pretend they like clingy guys to get a free meal may be more common though.
I don’t see why it’s a big deal for men to read dating books, but it isn’t really right to say women do the same thing. Dating advice for women is a joke. Magazines tell you how to subtly alter your appearance so men will notice you without thinking you’re a “slut.” Sometimes you will find advice on how to not get raped. You never find advice for how to act around men, like how to simply approach and talk to them. The best source of information for women is the show Sex and the City… which is why every woman watches it.
The Virgin Says:
May 31st, 2008 at 1:17 am
“Virgin, no matter what your book says, all women are different.”
Yet they share the same genetics and general mating strategies, as do men with one another. Often times saying “we’re all different” is just a rationalization statement to dismiss an issue we don’t want to accept about ourselves. Much of what we do is subconscious and hardwired in our genes. We don’t understand, so we rationalize it. Future topic.
“I don’t see why it’s a big deal for men to read dating books, but it isn’t really right to say women do the same thing.”
Oh? Books like The Rules and many others don’t sell themselves. Besides, if it’s really not a big deal for men, why is it a big deal to say that women do the same?
name Says:
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:44 pm
“Yet they share the same genetics and general mating strategies, as do men with one another. Often times saying “we’re all different” is just a rationalization statement to dismiss an issue we don’t want to accept about ourselves. Much of what we do is subconscious and hardwired in our genes. We don’t understand, so we rationalize it. Future topic.”
There are certain generalizations that work for most people, but when it comes to sex and relationships there are many exceptions. For example, look at the world of BDSM relationships. Some women only want to dominate or be dominated. Some people are never interested in a committed relationship at all. Some people don’t want sex, not because of morals, but because of genuine lack of desire.
I’m not saying hardwired genetic mating behavior doesn’t exist, but I’m very suspicious of any attempt to explain the way females work. You probably know that almost all past theories about female sexuality have been disproved. How can you tell what is hardwired in the human brain? I’m sure research has probably been done on this, to be honest I haven’t looked into it much.
“Oh? Books like The Rules and many others don’t sell themselves. Besides, if it’s really not a big deal for men, why is it a big deal to say that women do the same? ;)”
You misunderstood my point. I’m not arguing that it’s a big deal for women to read these books, or that no one reads them. I’m saying dating books written for women are useless. Many of it is superstitious nonsense. One book that was recommended on the alpha female blog recommends putting menstrual blood on your bra to attract men. This advice sucks.