#54: Unplugging from the Matrix (Part 4)
“All these memories I have, these places I went….none of it ever happened. What does that mean?” “That the Matrix cannot tell you who you are.”
I could now see it all…plain as day.
In the eleventh grade, WHAT the FUCK possessed me with that baloney “secret admirer” business?!? I didn’t realize it at the time and would have denied it if someone accused me of it, but I WAS trying to buy her affections. Writing poetry, telling her how special she was…and what’s more…WE BARELY KNEW EACH OTHER! How FOOLISH and creepy had I looked?
Then there was my college crush. I had always tried to act all polite and enlightened that I was coming off as a sappy dope. I always had the odd feeling around her that she was thinking “if only he was a little different.” What she wanted was a man and she clearly wasn’t dealing with one in me. The new guy had clearly been my superior here.
I thought back to that night in the bar when my Air Force friend’s girlfriend kept tugging on my arm. It was a very extreme example, but I now knew why she was so interested. She was used to every other guy drooling, staring and catering to her whims that when she encountered the one guy who wouldn’t (inadvertently), it drove her up the fucking wall and made her more interested in me.
My subsequent dates later on…calling the girl and chasing her when she wasn’t chasing me? Bringing flowers? Buying that business that she “didn’t kiss on the first date?” (Would she turn her head if it was a sexy male model or a movie star?) If I had been dealing with an interested girl, she would BE THERE. NO excuses, NO rationalizations, NO waiting until the last minute to flake. That “calling to confirm” thing was just in case she didn’t have any better options to go out with that night, which I take it that she did.
But what about the men who was lucky with women? I now understood that they all shared several things in common.
These men didn’t seek approval or chase women, women chased them and wanted to be with them. They lived in their own realities, were confident with themselves and laughed off any notion that they were being chauvinistic or pigheaded (feminista manhating tripe) for being sexually confident men. They were masculine and acted, not asked permission. They wouldn’t take shit if someone was trying to use him or play him, they would simply move on. Ultimately, these men were a challenge and THAT’S what separated guys like them from guys like me.
I had thought so awful of these men when they were clearly more superior to me. They were men, and throughout my struggles, I guess in a way I was brainwashed to be ashamed to be a man.
Out of everything above, THAT had been my greatest sin of all.
Another 20y/o Virgin Says:
May 31st, 2008 at 1:13 am
One thing I don’t understand though is: while its true that there’s a lot of eye-opening realizations about the true dating world from the “romantic” picture painted in the media, there’s still people out there that are able to use these “romantic” methods and have successful relationships. Are they just the lucky ones?
The Virgin Says:
May 31st, 2008 at 1:51 am
20 y/0: Much time it is luck. Girls sometimes do get tired of independent men and sometimes a “nice guy” sounds like a sweet change. But what eventually happens is…well, something like this and they can get tired of them.
In other cases, he may offer her access to resources to help her mating strategy and elevate her status and they might marry. (Why do fat men with money get chicks?) Then once she is elevated or elevates herself (career, etc), she has her resources covered and can explore other options. (The Friend was a tragic example of this, story upcoming.) Why are some successful movie actresses like Demi Moore for example seen with younger men? All this is heavily covered in the book “The Evolution of Desire.”
Besides, what exactly defines a successful relationship, if they stay together? If that’s it, then one could argue that can only be judged when they’ve crossed the finish line and are dead and gone. Couples who have been married two years break up and divorce as well as couples who have been married for twenty. In the beginning of those relationships, people at the weddings probably thought each marriage was going to be successful.