V-Carded! An Twenty-something adult male's struggle with virginity and sexual frustration

“A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.”

One question remained: how had I let this happened? How did I become so brainwashed?

I guess it didn’t help that I never grew up with a respectable male influence, so that wasn’t in my favor. As far as the “buy her flowers, tell her all your feelings, don’t hide anything” advice crap, that certainly didn’t come from (masculine) men, that’s for sure. Interestingly enough, I had not believed any of that junk when I was 12-13 years old and just acted what came naturally for a young boy.

From morning talk shows, magazines, syndicated columns to even sitcoms with buffoonish husbands, it was indeed becoming a world that promoted the message that it “was not okay to be a man.” Gloria Steinem was quoted as saying “We badly need to raise boys more like we raise girls.” By brainwashing them and telling them to be “more sensitive and progressive,” what it was REALLY doing was costing them opportunities with women by masking what made them attractive and actually turning women OFF (even if they didn’t want to admit it or even realized it) as well as hurt the man’s self-confidence. If you punish a young child every time they favor their left hand and force them to use their right one, they will grow up very clumsy and unstable. This situation was no different. (I am a lefty, by the way.)

In a very real way, it was a form of control for men as stupid as me to fall into. We were slaves to this system. But just because the propaganda was there didn’t mean it had to be accepted. Whether I had picked it up from TV or propaganda was irrelevant, there was only one person in the end to blame……ME. I let it happen. I should have just been myself to begin with.

I had to come to terms with my ego and accept that the girl wasn’t always going to like me. But it had no bearing on who I was as a person. I didn’t have to live to get married, be in a relationship, etc…I had to live as what was best for ME. If she didn’t add any value in my life, that would be her loss and that only gave me the opportunity to seek someone who was a better fit for me.

The real men out there who were successful with women would become my friends, inspiration and sources of advice. The women I had read and received advice from - little did they know that their advice was just teaching men how to be their girlfriends….NOT boyfriends. If you want to become a great businessman, you learn from the great businessman…NOT his customers.

I would not allow myself to become attached.
I would not beg, chase or seek approval from anyone…they needed to get MINE.
I would not accept second class behavior.
I would not be weak or be used.
I WOULD start being a man.

It was time to forget everything I had known and start learning all over again. It was time to regain my self-confidence and re-balance the equation. A man is supposed to be a man, a woman is supposed to be a woman and there isn’t anything wrong with that, that’s the way nature intended us all to be. I had been so ashamed of myself, but I couldn’t dwell on the past any longer. My eyes were now open and from now on I would pay attention to what was right in front of them, not what my brain and fantasies wanted them to be. The path to my redemption would begin.

Posted June 1st, 2008 in Adulthood

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