#50: Do as I say, not as I do
Was I just unlucky or unattractive…or were women possibly not being truthful about what they really wanted?
I got a little better with online dating as time went on, particularly on which profiles to go after and which profiles were bogus. (I’ll share some tips in the future.) I actually managed to pull a few dates after a while.
One girl was a blond who had a sweet personality. I showed up on time and brought a few roses which she thanked me for. I took her to a really nice restaurant and a movie and acted like a “gentleman,” complimenting her, what the advice columns and girls typically advise, blah blah blah.
Now up to this point I had never kissed a girl. I liked this girl and I thought I was LOOOONG overdue for my first kiss, so I went for it at the end of the date. You can’t imagine how it felt when she turned her cheek and that’s where my lips ended up. She apologized and said that she had a rule that she didn’t kiss guys on first dates. Like a symp I bought into it and figured she was a proper girl.
I had called her for another date a few days later, and she accepted…..but told me to call her on the day of the date as she needed to see what was up. Okay…that’s weird, but whatever. She called and canceled with me a few hours before the date and said that her aunt was in town. Afterward, the entire thing fizzled out after that as all I could reach was her voicemail and she wasn’t returning my calls. I didn’t understand it at all…she had seemed friendly on the date and seemed to like me…this really put me in the dumps again.
I moved on to a few other dates and boy did I hear and bought every whopper women could come up with. Yet they sure didn’t complain about being taken to dinner, alright. I wasn’t understanding this. I had read all my life that women loved to be romanced and wanted a nice guy. Yet if that was true, why the hell were they not responding to it?
It was starting to feel like a “Do as I say, not as I do,” situation where they would say one thing and do something else. Feed the nice guys excuses and morals and make him beg for a kiss…then her legs opened faster than a new Starbucks for a bad boy the next night.
It was starting to become a pattern I was noticing….and I had lots of questions. The answers were out there.
Honey Says:
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:36 am
Online dating’s weird that way. I’ve never had a LTR come out of a paid dating site. Almost every relationship I’ve had hasn’t been the result of “wining and dining” but the result of “hanging out.”
Although the BF now has a good enough job that he can wine and dine me…which I’m a lot more comfortable with now that I know him so well. I don’t think it’s necessarily that these women were lying out of ill will…there is a sense if a guy pulls out all the stops that you (and your favors) have been “bought,” and they could have been reacting to that.
I always thought that the “fake” profiles were wicked obvious. Anything with an external link, anything that says they borrowed a friend’s account to post a photo, anything in a bikini (cause what real girl wants a photo of herself in a bikini???), and on free venues like myspace, anything where all the top friends are *also* girls in bikinis…they also tend to claim to be young (18-25) since apparently if you’re 27 like me then you’re too old to be sexy
I did have a guy friend almost get suckered in by a myspace fake girl. He was like, “she wants to be my friend,” and I was like, “You’re 38 and live in AZ. Why does an 18 year old from PA that you’ve never met want to be your friend? And who wears a bikini in PA?” He was like, “Oh.”
Original Cindy Says:
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Makes you wonder if women like this like the power.
If you are looking for love online, I think people have a lot more success when they join a site that involves a common interest and that you can start out as friends on. Such as science fiction, being a writer, gaming, etc. Whatever your interest is, there is a social networking community out there oriented towards it. Check out Ning.com and groups.yahoo.com for something related to your interests. Best of luck!
insomniatic Says:
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:56 pm
I agree. I’ve been on dates from online dating sites and since both people go out knowing that the other person is “looking” it puts in all these expectations and by the end of the date I feel like I have all these obligations to him and get freaked out…so unless i really fell for the guy I’d be uncomfortable.
bottom line: I hate online dating.
The Virgin Says:
May 23rd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
“Makes you wonder if women like this like the power.”
DING-DING-DING-DING! Congratulations contestant, you win a cookie
The Dateable Dork Says:
May 23rd, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Ok, I’m going to be honest here. I’m an online dating veteran, and I’ve been on plenty of these dates. I’ve been on both sides of these dates. Here’s my opinion:
It sounds like this girl was just not that into you. It sounds like she was probably a nice enough person (although she may not have been, I obviously haven’t met her!), but just wasn’t all that interested in dating you after meeting you in person. She probably just didn’t know how to let you down easily in person or even over the phone, so she resorted to the all-too-common and quite rude disappearing act.
To be honest, it sounds like you were coming off as too eager. If I went out on a first date with a guy and he brought me roses and took me out to a fancy dinner and a movie, I would probably be turned off because he’s just coming on way too strong. It comes off as a little desperate. Just my opinion, of course.
There are many ways to be polite and respectful and win a girl over while avoiding the cliche “bad boy” persona. Like Honey mentioned, “hanging out” is perfectly fine for a first date - just keeping it casual is great for getting to know someone with no pressure or expectations attached.
As for kissing a girl on the first date… in my experience, a girl will make it VERY obvious if she wants to be kissed. If you’re not getting this vibe from her, then I probably wouldn’t attempt it.
Just my two cents. : )