#79: Epilogue
Now I know…and knowing is half the battle. Or so some cartoon soldier guys say.
Heh…I look back on my life and while I thought it was boring, I realize that maybe I had a more colorful life then I thought I had. While some of it is things that I should never have had to deal with, others experiences I wouldn’t have traded for the world. Anyway, let’s play a “what if?” scenario. What if I had never read that book that day? How different would my situation be?
Well…I admit that I do think I might have had sex by now. But how? Continuing to chase and beg women around until one woman had nothing better to do that night and I “got lucky?” 
Maybe I would have married her and she would eventually get sick of the act and divorce me for a real man. Not only would I be losing a chuck of my own hard earned money towards alimony or divorce fees, but I would be sitting around moping over her leaving me and not living life by my terms. I would probably weigh closer to 400lbs now, too. And for what…a little self-validation and a piece of ass?
I tell you one thing…I don’t play life by “luck.” I prefer to make things happen myself, and none of the good that happened in my life (weight loss, career success, re-education) would not have happened if I hadn’t turned my life back around. So even if I had to postpone my sex life to make such improvements, never - I repeat - NEVER FOR A MOMENT have I ever regretted the path I took. I ended up gained something far more valuable in return - my strength and my self respect. Granted, hard times come along and you tend to lose sight of that, but it’s always there.
I wrote so candidly of a few of my friends’ dating and marriage disasters because they’re excellent examples as to just how dangerous and costly it is to underestimate our emotions and overestimate the partner’s emotions. These aren’t unique stories - variations of these same situations are going on all over the globe today with families, friends, coworkers and many others. There are no such thing as “games,” EVERYTHING we do is simply mating strategies that will put us in the best scenario to choose another partner with strong qualities and pass along our genes to the next generation. Unfortunately, modern society and the sexual revolution has completely changed the field and for men in particular, being a “polite gentleman” is no longer good enough to attract women in this new age. As such, it’s time to adapt or die.
As for myself, where did it go wrong for me? Was it caused by my turbulent home life as a child? Possibly, but I don’t think that has anything to do with it, honestly. I had that revelation a while back about Aspergers and that’s closer to the mark, but I don’t know for sure if I even have that. Even if I did, I don’t think it stops there. Instead, after I had departed from the pool party at the lake a few weeks ago I had a big revelation.
When I was a teenager, I made friends with others like me who weren’t the most popular and also a bit introverted (with the exception of The Friend). We were outcasts and didn’t try and be social with our peers….because we didn’t have to. We had each other and that was enough. But there’s the problem right there. Failing to learn social skills as a child will come back to bite you in the butt….your friends eventually grow apart / abandon you and you lack the ability to meet new people to replace them. And here’s my point - if you can’t make guys think you’re great, just what chance do you stand with women? Go on, buy all the eBooks and CDs/DVDs from seduction gurus that you can…it won’t do you ANY GOOD if you still can’t fix that.
Unlike when you’re younger, it’s far more difficult to change your personality later on in life. As such, it’s a very real possibility that I lack the ability to connect with people at a deep enough level, especially sexually. If that’s the case, I may have to learn to accept that I might be a virgin the rest of my life. After being alone for so long, I honestly do not know if I have it in me to be intimate with someone.
But to the young men out there…it is not too late for you and it is for YOU that I write for…guys who need help just as badly as I desperately needed as a teenager. What absolutely irritates me is the seduction “gurus” out there who price their products and information so exorbitantly out of the hands of the people that need it the most!
Men who are successful with women are all around you. They are not losers or manipulators (women wouldn’t be with them otherwise) nor are they your enemies, they are your friends. Look and study to what they’re doing and look away from what those out-of-touch, aging dating advice people who says how a man should act. Whether you call them nice guys, simps, AFCs or wussies, don’t make the same mistakes I did when I was young and be one of those guys. Always pay attention to what the women in your lives are DOING, not saying. Don’t keep anyone who won’t keep you. Most importantly, open your eyes and see things the way they really are, not what you or her want them to be!
For all the bad women around, there are awesome ones out there who are absolutely worth your time and attention. But you won’t meet these women if you get desperate and latch on to the first thing that comes along. Do most employers hire the first interviewee? The only way to have options and pick the right person for the job is to meet lots of people. And remember, no matter what vows or promises they give early on, people fall out of love just as quickly as they fall into it. Never forget that.
If any of this gets through to even one person who stops and realizes just how they’re acting, then spending so many hours writing for my blog was well worth it.
As for myself, I can’t say what the future holds…..what comes, may (shrugs). I’ve had some successes as well as fallen flat on my ass, but all you can do is dust yourself off and try again the next day. Whether you found my views controversial or I gave you some interesting food for thought, I thank you for reading my story. In the next post, I will be providing a quote from a very unlikely source - a pro-wrestling documentary. But unlike wrestling, it’s not scripted and is so true to life that I share it to close out this story.
The Dateable Dork Says:
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:07 pm
I highly doubt that you inherently lack the ability to connect with people on a deep/intimate level. I think there are very few people who actually fit into that category. What I’ve found (for whatever it’s worth) is that as a big dork, I tend to get along very well with other dorks, and not very well at all with more well-adjusted people. Maybe the key is to find someone with the same personality type as you? Regardless, I’ve definitely enjoyed reading the story… you have certainly had a very interesting and unique life so far!
crow Says:
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:37 pm
I don’t always agree with what you say, but I want to thank you for the story.
Another 20y/o virgin Says:
July 7th, 2008 at 1:23 am
I definitely don’t agree that you lack the ability to connect with people on a deep/intimate level. I think it does become harder and harder as you age however if you have no experience. As a human being though, you’ll always have the ability. Thanks for your story, its helped me alot in my self-exploration of similar problems in my life.