#77: Overcoming my emotions
No longer would I be a slave to my emotions…I had done it. I had mastered self-control.
The Boss is very beautiful. Down to earth, successful and has an absolutely adorable giggle. She has exactly the kind of look that I like in a woman, in fact, she is somewhat a combination in looks to my high school and college crush. When you look back at all three of my major crushes in the past story, The Boss could easily have been the fourth girl for me to get majorly attached to. It all makes sense on paper, unlike some looker that catches your eye on the street, I frequently interacted with those other girls on a daily basis and I do the same with The Boss.
One day, we were in conversation and I caught mention of her boyfriend. “That sucks, oh well…” I thought to myself as I went back to my desk. As I was sitting there, something hit me……it was how I was acting. Or more specifically, how I *wasn’t* acting. I didn’t care. I really didn’t care.
Oh sure, it’s annoying…..they ALWAYS have a borefriend. (Or DO they? More on this topic at a later time!) But aside from that…I thought back to the past about how absolutely crushed and desperate I got when I found out that the respective women I fancied were already spoken for. In fact, it only made me pine for them more. But it wasn’t that way any longer. Many days I honestly forget that she is an attractive woman and just view her as she is…my boss.
I am uncertain whether years of solitude and rejection as a nice guy - along with observing (as a third party) the darker side of human sexuality and love - has hardened me and short circuited my emotions out. What I did know with complete certainty was that I could now suppress and control them. My long solitude in abstinence has had other benefits as well…I can’t be controlled by sex. Threatening to withhold or use sex against me is like telling a former P.O.W. who starved for years in a prison camp that he’s not getting any dessert with his dinner.
All this comes at a price though…I really don’t know if I can ever have that feeling of “love” again for “the one.” Then again, would I really want to go back to the way things were before? At least I do everything on my terms now, and I’m never going to go back to that creepy, wimpy dooshbag that I was.
The Dateable Dork Says:
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:50 pm
I hear what you’re saying about suppressing and controlling your emotions… under the appropriate circumstances. Just be sure not to suppress them completely - letting out your emotions is (obviously) a healthy way to express yourself. But glad to hear that you’re able to be more mature about relationship issues… it’s a big step on the way to growth and a healthy outlook on life/love.