V-Carded! An Twenty-something adult male's struggle with virginity and sexual frustration

You got only eight minutes to make an impression. Hey, that’s more time than women used to give me when I was still a nice guy chode.

Speed dating is a newer trend in dating and has been seen in movies like Hitch and The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Different events do different things but here is the general premise: an equal amount of men and women are registered for an event at a public location (usually a bar, lounge or restaurant) and everyone is assigned a number. The men (or women) move to their assigned table to meet with one another for a “date.” The catch is that you have only six to eight minutes to meet with one another. When the time is up a bell rings and you move to the next table to meet with someone else. The process keeps repeating itself until you’ve met with every member of the opposite sex. Afterwards you fill out a card or go online to tell the organizers which people you would like to see again. If the feeling is mutual on their end, you are forwarded their contact information in order to take things from there.

Is only a few minutes too short to really get to know someone? Maybe that’s the wrong way to look at it. People (especially women with intuition on their side) tend to subconsciously know if they’re going to sleep with someone within a few minutes of meeting them. Of course that attraction can be killed over time if the person ends up being a total goober, but you never really know that right off the bat. I’d consider speed dating to be the “first impression” and not a serious date. Anyway, it’s advantage over online dating should be clear: you’re seeing the opposite sex in person and their personalities.

I dressed up and went to a trendy bar in a popular nightlife area of the city, not really knowing what to expect. As the event went on, I eased up and got more comfortable with the situation. I met a lot of different women and the conversations went many different ways. What’s interesting is that if you pay attention, you can see signs of interest and disinterest or whatnot. But even then, the real challenge is seperating actual attraction from someone just being nice. I got my results a few days later and I had only one other person state that they were interested in me, and it was the person I was least attracted to. What had I done wrong this time?

To condense the story and move things right along, I tried speed dating a few more times with similar results, the girls I was least interested in were the only ones picking me. Which made me mad, not because they were showing interest of course, but because if no one chooses you as a match then you get your money refunded.

Much later on after giving up speed dating - namely after studying David DeAngelo - I realized my folly: I was still making lots and lots of mistakes. I leaned in and my body language conveyed “neediness.” I asked boring and redundant questions (”Where do you work?” “What are your hobbies?” etc). I was acting too “nice” and “polite” and saying or doing nothing to induce attraction, surprise or intrigue. I didn’t come off different than any other of the men there. I still had much to learn.

I didn’t walk out of some of these events completely empty handed, though. During one event I got a pass to a screening of the upcoming movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin and that was an incredibly hilarious movie. But as always, I attended it alone. But at least I was in good company.

Posted June 16th, 2008 in Adulthood

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