From a Female’s Eyes: Talky Italians, Zombie Apocalypses and Mr. Not-Game-Players!
Outlandish advice from the most unexpected source of all.
Here is our official first edition of email responses of FFE. In case you missed my prior description, the basic premise is that we’re using a fake female profile on a dating website and judging what guys are doing both right and wrong. That, and I want to show other guys what they’re exactly up against and “maybe” why they’re not getting responses…often due to emails getting mixed in with a sea of other spam from would-be suitors. We are approaching our sixth day of the experiment and what is our girl’s inbox looking like?
Stats as of June 3:
Inbox: 42
Winks: 142
Views: 1125
Jesus….I don’t think I’ve ever gotten 42 emails in a YEAR on my personal email, let alone a dating website. And by the way, if I had a dollar for every message with a subject line of “Hey,” “Hello” or “Hi,” I would be a rich, rich man. There are even a bunch of emails with the default subject line of “(none)” where the guy didn’t even BOTHER to write an eye-catching subject line!
Anyway, let’s move into some emails.
The first is from a 42-year-old man…
“Hi XXX…My name is XXX. From your profile it seems that we have some similar interests and are looking for the same qualities in a person.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I am a single, 100% Italian-American male. I have never been married and I do not have any children, however, wanting a future family. I am well-educated and professionally employed. I like dogs. Some of my interests include, dining, various kinds of music, concerts, dancing, all types of movies, family/friends, travel, attending sporting events, playing sports, wineries. I am always open to trying new things. I enjoy good conversation and I have a great sense of humor. I am considered to be a passionate, romantic, honest, fun and caring gentleman.”
The Virgin: No dude, you don’t have the same interests. If you actually READ the profile, you’d notice that our girl is looking for a man NO OLDER than 28. Our girl is “night club,” this guy is “hair club.” …….. Second, this guy is shooting himself in the foot by admitting that he’s never been married at his age. Rule of job interviews: DON’T volunteer information that might hurt you. There are better ways to positively spin the issue - IF SHE BRINGS IT UP. …….. Third, those interests are as generic as women who write that they like long walks on the beach. I like dogs, sports, dining, music, concerts and wineries too…..SO WHAT? I think picking one of those things and dwelling deeper into it would be more effective and interesting than naming off a bunch of stuff and seeing what sticks to the wall. ……… Finally, talky, talky, talky talky about yourself! Get off trying to impress and ask HER some questions. Next!
A 31 year old man writes…
“I tried to think of something clever to write, but this is tough!
Ummm… when the zombie apocalypse comes, will you be ready?
Just kidding. But I did want to say that you seem really nice, and that I’m a professional here in XXX that is just looking to meet a well adjusted person who doesn’t mind talking over nice wine and dinner - and then partying until 3AM afterwards
“
The Virgin: If it’s difficult to think of something to write, can you really be trusted to think of something to SAY on the date? …….. Hmm…well, gotta say the zombie apocalypse line is different….note I didn’t say effective - I said different. …… Note his use of the word “professional,” basically trying to convey wealth and/or value. …… And take this from a certified cluber/raver, someone who is as generic as “wine and dinner” IS NOT going to be able to stay awake until 3AM at a party. Besides, REAL parties go until 5AM and beyond 
A 26-year-old man writes….
“It’s very hard to find someone these days that don’t play games. It was fun when I was younger, but now, it just seems like something for immature people. It’s more attractive when someone knows what they want, right? Anyways, just talking out loud. I’m XXX by the way.”
The Virgin: The “guys who don’t play games” is a common trap/test that some women put in their profiles, and I repeated this for the duck decoy profile…knowing full well that guys were going to fall for this and latch onto it. He’s now seeking approval by trying to convince her that he’s NOT that and “so much more mature” and this comes off weak.
Three different profiles and they all share ONE thing in common. NOT ONE of them asked our girl anything about herself, or any random, ballsy or fun questions (that zombie question doesn’t count). But will future suitors have different tactics? Tune in next time!
The Dateable Dork Says:
June 4th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
This whole thing is so fascinating - thanks for going behind the scenes and sharing this with us.
Here’s my take:
Email #1: Too old, and any guy who actually uses the word “gentleman” (which comes off as stuffy and… well… OLD) is automatically out.
Email #2: I’ve seen much worse… if the guy was cute, I might actually respond to that one.
Email #3: Horrible grammatic error in the first line requires an automatic rejection. Sorry, dude! Learn to write.
Oooooh, this is fun. Looking forward to the next installment!
Another 20y/o Virgin Says:
June 5th, 2008 at 2:24 am
Any good responses?
MsKittyFantastico Says:
August 19th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
This is interesting. I’ve done the online dating thing and get much the same results. I agree with Datable Dork, I thought the zombie thing was endearing. I would have responded.