V-Carded! An Twenty-something adult male's struggle with virginity and sexual frustration

The final installment of letters, and we’re going out with a bang!

Not counting my conclusion (next FFE post), here we come up on the last edition of FFE…at least for now. (A social networking experiment like on MySpace could be interesting in the future.) I think I’ve covered a wide variety of responses as it were and the remaining letters I have aren’t unique at all (which is really the problem if you think about it.) Anyway, helping to wrap things up…once again The Beautiful Kind.

A 38 year old man writes…

“I saw your profile and nice pictures. You are a pretty gal with a nice smile. From your profile, you seem like a down-to-earth and nice gal. You are the type of gal whom I like to date. As for me, I’m an attorney who works hard but I also try to enjoy life. I’m a down-to-earth guy who tries to be respectful and nice to others. Also, I have a good sense of humor and am a romantic at heart. I stay in shape as best as I can by going to the gym twice a week and doing some jogging. I know there’s some distance between us but that doesnt’ bother me if it turns out that you are that special gal that I hope to meet. Have a good weekend.

P.S. Let me know if you would like for me to send you a picture. I don’t have 1 up with my profile for privacy reasons.”

The Virgin: This guy lives over eight hundred miles away from the girl’s location…that’s going to be one hell of a commute. He falls into the same traps that I see in so many emails…brags on himself while asking her nothing compelling enough to respond. He doesn’t have a picture up due to “privacy reasons?” Translation: “I’m too fat to fit in the photo.”

The Beautiful Kind: Fact: Lawyers are PERVERTS. The word “gal” is LAME. He is rich enough that he will fly to St Louis to nail her. That he has to search that far for pussy doesn’t speak well for him. Oh yeah, I know why he has to take his trolling out of state – because he is PARANOID and MARRIED. And definitely not in shape. I hate when men don’t pony up the goods – they are visual and like to ogle women’s pics, but then are so stingy with pics of their own. Again, privacy concerns = don’t want my wife to find out I have a profile on match.com.

A 38-year-old-man writes…

“If you are tired of drunk boys and would like to class things up, communicate on a deaper level and be treated like a lady then write back.”

The Virgin: A big part of communication is comprehension, and he didn’t comprehend on a “deap” enough level to notice that she’s looking for someone no older than 28.

The Beautiful Kind: He wants to take hot young chicks out to dinner and then sleep with them. Not very deep. But hey maybe he is talking about ESP! Now THAT would be deep. Such a casual pic for such a classy guy. He is acknowledging his out-of-range age by putting down his 20-something brothers. They’re all frat boys! Clearly he is superior vintage.

A 29-year-old man writes…

“Hi, what’s up… Curious, can I ask a quick question?”

The Virgin: This girl has a ton of emails filled with guys asking questions. You’re going to need to be a little more assertive and ask away, dude. And it better not be “What do you do for a living?” or “Where did you go to school?”

The Beautiful Kind: Wow. My gut instinct tells me that hitting “reply” to this message would be pointless. Sigh, I’m afraid he’s going to be left wondering for the rest of his days if she is a thong or boy shorts kinda girl.

A 25-year-old man writes…

“What kind of girl would be home on a Friday night?”

The Virgin: What kind of GUY would be home on a Friday night? Wait, I’m home on a Friday night as well. Uh…..ummmm….cough. Can we move on to the next letter, please?

The Beautiful Kind: Dude, his pickup truck must be broke down, so he’s sending SOS messages from his trailer. I think he wants a ride to the local watering hole so that they can get their party ON! Wrestling repeats on cable and all, yep this smacks of misguided desperation…

—-

These next two letters are from the same guy, one of the letters we already covered in the last edition. I admit that I goofed and missed that fact until TBK pointed this out. Hey, you try looking through this amount of emails and keeping up with everyone! (Oh wait…women already do.) In case you didn’t remember the letter or the responses, here it is again. I’m also restoring his name and TBK’s unedited response, it will make more sense that way.

A 25-year-old man writes…

“Hey there, Im Bobby. Yeah I like your profile. It is important to have as much fun as we can while we are young, and hitting up the clubs together is fun, but meeting people at those places just is not even worth the time anymore. I actually try to be a nice guy and a gentleman, and that generally gets me no where, especially in those type of places so I just dont bother lol. So I am actually Mr. Romance and it is great when it is actually appreciated. I am looking for someone who is interested in having a great time together and becoming close and going from there. Well that is me in a brief summary.”

The Virgin: This is one of those guys desperately trying to convince her that he’s sooooo romantic and a gentleman. Aside from that, it’s not a horrible letter but there’s nothing special about it either. By the way, “it’s important to have as much fun as we can while we are young?” If he thinks that you can’t have fun when you’re older, then what incentive is there to stay with him?

The Beautiful Kind: Avoid men with little boy names. Bobby?? Why not Bob or Rob or Robert? He cleverly plays the “lol” dance with her, showing her that he can be light hearted too. He is suffering from Nice Guy Syndrome which can also suggest that he is DULL.

Eight days later the same guy writes again…

“Hey Im Bobby, I guess I joined this site since striking up conversations beggining with “you wanna do a shot” is really lama and unfulfilling lol. I would like to have a little deeper conversation then discussing the alcohol content of random beverages lol. So I came across your profile and it caught my attention. I like the part about looking for a true gentlemen. I definitely do my best ot behave as such, since I like to be treated respectfully myself. I have been known to be the definite romantic type. It funny like everyone we all have ex’es that never appreciated anything, but I am the guy that all the friends of ex gf’s were like awe I wish I could find someone to do those type of things for me. I like to spoil my lady, and when it is riciprocated I think that is the greatest thing in the world. Mostly looking for someone who wants to just build a friendship and see what develops from it. I would really like to talk to you and get to know you. So tell me a little bit about yourself, what do you like to do for fun? What do you look for in a guy, and in friends in general? Im interested to talk to you soon.”

The Virgin: Ooooh, one sentence alone tells me so much about him. “…but I am the guy that all the friends of ex girlfriends were like ‘awe…I wish I could find someone to do those kinds of things for me.’” RIGHT THERE, that tells me that this guy is stuck in “friend zone” and the girls see him as a girlfriend than a serious lover. Here it is again… “Mostly looking for someone who wants to just build a friendship.” This guy is not aggressive and I can’t possibly see that translating well in the sack. And another thing…why are those ex-girlfriends he mentioned now his ex? Think about it.

The Beautiful Kind: Sigh, boring Bobby is back. Why don’t any women want to be spoiled these days?? And we get a double dose of the ever-endearing lol, aw shucks!

A guy with no profile writes…

“Shit I bet u couldn’t hang with me on a fri nite”

The Virgin: Good idea. Don’t hold your breath waiting for a response.

The Beautiful Kind: wtf?? Does he think this is myspace?

Posted July 27th, 2008 in From a Female's Eyes

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