My introduction
What kind of person can so long without ever “doing it?” Here’s a hint, I don’t go to Star Wars cosplays.
So you know my secret. I’d prefer to keep my anonymity, so what to call me…? As I look up, Kill Bill is on the television in the background. Kill Bill’s main protagonist was a determined woman simply known as “The Bride” based upon events that happened to her over the course of the story. So let’s spin off of that, you can simply call me “The Virgin.” It seems to fit accurately enough.
So then, I’ve never done the deed and I’m getting closer and closer to my three-oh…how does that happen? Certainly, I must be a morbidly obese nerd that sits in front of his computer all day playing World of Warcraft. I probably have Lord of the Rings posters hanging all across my wall. I attend Star Wars conventions and still live with my mother. I have a UNIX license plate on my car…or better yet, I don’t even own a car at all. I MUST be a slob that no girl in her right mind would want to fuck.
That would make a lot of sense…….if it were true. I think if you were to look upon whom I really was, you’d be quite surprised that I’ve never slept with anyone.
I am a successful male in his twenties who has had made it all the way to the top of his career. To be honest, while it hasn’t been entirely a Cinderella story throughout the journey, the dreams and goals I had imagined in my career have all come true. I live on a very comfortable salary for a single person and live in my very own bachelor pad.
Sci-fi posters don’t adorn my walls; instead the place is splashed with color, imagination and interesting pieces which always gets commented on by visitors. My bedroom is fit for a king, the centerpiece being my soft and comfortable bed covered with satin sheets that any girl would seemingly love to frolic around naked on…and that’s why I bought them. Most of all, my place is kept as clean as a bachelor’s habits allows him to.
I’m about six foot tall, not too tall and not too short. I don’t think the rest of my body is too bad, though it could still use some more toning (and I’m working on it). As it were, I have made incredible weight losses over my twenties, turning from a once obese male into the person I am today. Probably my best feature would be my legs as they are quite strong from running. So yes, I am quite physically active and work out when I can. And in case your mind was wondering, I am quite comfortable with my penis size, thank you. I’m six to six and a half inches when erect and average for a male….well, I think. I never was one to look around the locker room and XXX male actors aren’t realistic to compare against, after all.
I’m certainly no James Bond in the looks department but I like to think I look a little better than the average guy. I dress very nice with a little style every now and then, walk arrogantly like I own the world, have eyes that can gaze into your soul and keep myself groomed as needed in most areas.
With the absence of sex in my life, I’ve filled it by reading and studying about it. I also own books on tantra, lesbian sex and pleasuring woman. I own sexual theory books such as “The Sperm Wars,” “Red Queen” and “Evolution of Desire,” and I have also read books and listened to CDs from successful pickup artists such as Style, David DeAngelo and Mystery. I would not be shocked if I understood more about the male and female psyche than your average married man in America. Yet, books only take you so far though…the real experience is doing it for yourself.
So it sounds like I have my head on straight, and certainly any woman would love to get with a man who spent so much time trying to dissect and understand her, right? So why hasn’t it still happened?
The answer is me, and has always been me. My biggest flaw is that I’m a very introverted individual who cannot take the appropriate steps into making this whole thing happen. There is something in my head limiting me and holding me back. Something I’m doing that’s not attracting women. I am unable to change my ways. The only question is why.
And that is the very purpose of this blog…to figure myself out. What is wrong with me? Am I subconsciously afraid and look for excuses for it NOT to happen? Am I really a horrible person to people? Did something happen in my childhood that scarred me? Perhaps I am really gay?
I never think about the past; my mind is always on the present and tends to shut out what it doesn’t want to hear….or want to remember. But I think it’s time to confront it again…but I’m NOT going to do that with an overpaid psychologist that sits there, says “Mmm…hmm” every few minutes and makes me $200 lighter every hour. No, I’m going to write. And when I’m done writing about my life, I hope I will be able to see the big picture and figure out what might be my limitation.
I’m going to start with my childhood and cover every single memory and milestone I have that would relate to my sexual coming-of-age, all the way through my teen years, my college years and finally, today. My puberty, my family life, my private moments, masturbation, my first crush, dating, rejection….everything and anything I think is relevant . Also I will be sharing thoughts about the present, psychology, my morals and beliefs, frustrations, hopes and fantasies between it all.
So yeah, I’m doing this blog mostly for myself. But I think it will be liberating to share it with strangers. It goes without saying that I’m going to be completely open and honest about deep things that may or may not offend you. So if you don’t like reading about male sexuality, then you’d do well to navigate elsewhere and forget all about this journal of mine.
Otherwise if you’re a female who is curious about growing up and maturing into a man, a male himself who can relate to my story as well, or simply anyone wanting to cheer me on until I finally hand in my V-Card and write my final blog entry….then I welcome you and appreciate your interest.