The hierarchy of a porn store
Even when you’re in a store filled with double dong dildos along the walls, you have to obey the pecking order just like at your job.
I haven’t been in an adult store in some time, other than Hustler Hollywood a few months ago for a present. There’s not really much point for me to be in one, honestly. With porn so readily available on the internet in the privacy of your home it makes the appeal of the video section less enticing. Though not everyone wants to jack it staring at a small grainy video in front of a computer, some would rather put that 46 inch LCD to good use. So I think the video market will be safe for a while.
Anyway, no matter whether it’s a hidden store front shop (usually parading as a book store) or something more mainstream like Hustler Hollywood or Pure Pleasure Megacenter, I remember there is a hierarchy of sorts when it comes to stores like these.
Easily at the bottom is the single men in there. You can find them alone in the video section on a Friday night, silently buzzing around the tapes in separate areas like bees around flower gardens. They won’t acknowledge you in any way as you pass by, praying to god that they don’t run into someone familiar….or you don’t notice them checking out the back cover of “Oral Grannies #36.” You always believe yourself to be better than them, but face facts….you’re going home to do the exact same thing that other guy is doing tonight.
On the next level up is the cashier/hired help working in the store, though not much higher in status. The most common types of cashiers is either the aging fat dude or the guy in his late 20’s that is still dressed like a college frat and has gone nowhere in life. You are hesitant to bring your stuff up there as you’re worried what they’ll think, but you quickly get over that when you remember that - despite both your lonely lives - you work at a $50,000 job and they make $8.00 an hour in a sex shop.
Another note: On the odd occasion you might see the friendly hot girl working the counter. Unfortunately, such girls tend to be bad for business as the guys are fearful of looking perverted in front of her. Sometimes you might even see an older gentleman dressed in a nice shirt and tie working the place. He is usually brought in to “class up the place,” but ultimately looks “out of place” and better suited for a men’s clothing store.
The next tier up is women. You’ll almost never see them anywhere near the video section. They’ll be checking out the lingerie or toys, typically a surprise for their boyfriends/husbands. These women tend to be very assertive and it’s not uncommon to see some of them wearing a leather jacket and/or ride in on a motorcycle. She is sexually confident and doesn’t care who sees her buying that stainless steel vibrator or crotchless panties.
Without question, the highest on the tier and the undisputed king of the store is the guy who enters with his girl. He is the envy of all the sad, lonely men there and stands out over the drips in the video section, no doubt. The couple might look at some tapes “for fun,” and walk hand in hand as they browse the toys, stifling high school giggles. Whatever they buy, the other men watch them leave and groan at the fact that he’s getting the real thing tonight and they’re not.
Gina Says:
August 3rd, 2008 at 12:12 pm
This is so true! Never thought about it before. Makes me want to go to a porn shop and shake things up a bit.
Kiera Says:
August 3rd, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I completely agree. Haha… I was actaully in one today and was thinking the same thing. I love to make things awkward for the dvd-lurking men by saying “Hi, what have you got there? That looks fun.”
The Dateable Dork Says:
August 3rd, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Hahaha… so true! It’s like a jungle in there - eat or be eaten. Or both, if you’re lucky. : )