V-Carded! An Twenty-something adult male's struggle with virginity and sexual frustration

Virgins beware…masturbation can bite you in the butt with the real thing later on if you’re not prepared.

By now, you should know about my little trouble during my evening with The Beautiful Kind. To summarize, I was only able to get a semi-hard erection during our time together and my orgasm wasn’t as intense as it normally could be. (Masturbating before the date - as usually recommended to help last longer later - didn’t help.) Now the evening still went splendidly so it wasn’t a big deal, just a lesson in my sexuality.

But there is an issue that I want to highlight in this post, because I want other virgins - especially older ones - reading my blog to take particular notice. I know that masturbation is our only way of release and there’s certainly no harm in doing it, but it could actually affect you a little more than you know.

On average, young men start masturbating between 10-13 years old and lose their virginity maybe between 17-21 years old. So depending on the timing of it all, that’s about five to eight years of masturbation…during the teen years at that. Back then a passing breeze in the hall sets off your erection and damned well could make you ejaculate. Not to mention you’re still learning your body and it isn’t particularly trained in one way or another at that point.

But what about someone right around my age? It depresses me to say it, but that’s nearly eighteen years of masturbation with no sex. By that time the body is quite used to the strong grip of a hand, so it’s no surprise that it might not react as well to the softer touch of a woman’s mouth, hand or her vagina. That’s going to be the challenge moving forward, retraining my body to respond to the woman I’m with.

I can’t imagine how worse the problem could be for a virgin well into their 30s and 40s.

So virgins young and old, keep in mind about what you’re doing. I’m not saying to give up masturbation, but using some moderation couldn’t hurt. Or work on getting off with a gentler touch/massage instead of beating it into submission. Virgins have enough embarrassment to put up with as it were, so don’t add erection issues to that list

Sigh…looks like my v-card won’t expire just yet…

Heh…as I left the office on Friday for the holiday weekend, I dreaded seeing it again on Tuesday. “But next time I step foot in here at least I won’t be doing it as a virgin” I thought. Well….not quite. Looks like the red phone rang at the last second and my virginity has been granted a reprieve.

TBK and I have another date planned and set, but after just a little taste of things to come it’s a slow hard wait and can’t come soon enough.

If you haven’t heard about our previous exciting evening yet, you can go back to the beginning. Otherwise, here are some random notes and thoughts left out of the original date recap:

• When I was on my way to pick up TBK, I pulled behind a vehicle with a license plate that read A VIRGN 2.
• As I did say in the recap, the porn store had a surprising amount of midget porn. On top of that, they sold a midget blowup doll. I had a funny feeling that TBK was hinting around for me to buy it for that evening…
• In case you are wondering, I’m not beating myself up over my erection problems. Just concerned. I’m going to be talking more indepth about this during this coming week as I realize it can be a big issue for older virgins.
• I’ve been getting some flack from people about avoiding sex with TBK while on her period. (“What’s wrong with period sex? / The Virgin should get his red wings, etc.”) Now, now people…that was TBK’s decision out of consideration for making my first time perfect. Besides, as she herself has been quick to point out, she wants oral. And yes, I can’t wait to deliver.
• The next day, The Friend and his new girlfriend came over for BBQ and he took her around my place and went upstairs….where I had not cleaned up much of the evidence of the previous night including Toilet Whores which was left laying around. Whoops.
• The Friend eventually got a condensed version of details out of me later. On whether I was exaggerating the date: “No buddy…there’s no fucking way you can making something like that up.” What he didn’t believe me on was the midget porn stuff in the store. (The Friend: “Nuh-UHH!” Me: “Uh-HUH! I’ll take you right in there next time we drive by and show you for yourself!”)

The grand finale to a masterfully played evening, but no performance is without it’s slumps.

The Bedroom

TBK hopped onto my bed and lied there comfortably as I approached the bedroom and briefly admired the view…fabulous. So yeah…I have a topless girl on my bed. (Meanwhile, in case you were making any travel plans this weekend, look right.)

I climbed over to TBK - while I had done my fair share of exploring her upper body…I wanted to explore ALL of her. I got her jeans off revealing her cute floral pattern panties. I told TBK to lie with her back face up and simply relax as I fetched my earlier purchase from the bedside drawer….ginseng massage oil. I warmed my hands and went to work.

I have always heard much about how sensitive and erogenous a woman’s body was, and it’s true. I let my hands speak the language of intimacy as I explored everywhere …her back… spine… arms… hands… butt… inner thighs…panties… legs… even her feet. TBK was deeply relaxed and moaning (occasionally cursing her period). “Your hands are so warm,” she sighed. I eventually flipped her over and continued my massage, searching for sensitive areas. She LOVED her breasts worshiped, and it was adorable how she giggled and lit up when I licked and teased them the way I did.

I’m sure TBK would have had me go on forever if she had her way, but all things must come to an end. I had sort of not thought past this part yet. “Soooo…now what?” I asked?

That’s right, it was my turn. I lied with my back facing up as TBK climbed over me and explored the back of my body with her hands, rubbed her cleavage and curves against me and even teasing me with her dangling long hair…hot. Right around this time, I was beginning to notice a problem…I wasn’t as erect as I thought I should be. People will point out nerves or pressure in these scenarios, but that wasn’t it…I was incredibly relaxed, comfortable and turned on.

TBK turned me over and slowly worked down to my briefs, kissing and caressing my (partial) bulge. Then she slowly took my briefs down and there it was, virgin cock completely exposed for the first time. My eyes were shut enjoying the sensations as she explored my genitals with her hands. I felt a different sensation, and upon opening my eyes again TBK was running her tongue up and down the shaft of my cock. Then it happened…she completely devoured it. At last, my first sexual experience…I was getting my first blow job!

The sensation definitely felt so different than I had expected, but it felt wonderful. Sometimes she worked it with her mouth, sometimes with her hand, and it even felt very good when she played with my balls in brief intervals. I eventually kicked my briefs completely off, now completely nude. But my penis still wasn’t “quite” there and I knew the BJ would intensify threefold if I was harder than I was. What the fuck was it waiting for?

“How do you go back to masturbation after this?” I moaned to TBK as she continued to work on me. Then it hit me…six hours ago. God damnit, I masturbated. Typically I’m ready to go again far sooner than six hours and can stay hard through several sessions if I’m aroused enough…but that wasn’t the case this time. I also realized that perhaps being used to masturbation as my only sexual outlet for so long was also an issue. As she worked harder and harder, I started to worry that I would offend her if I didn’t cum.

I knew I couldn’t start panicking as that would only make the problem worse. Remembering that everything from arousal to controlling an orgasm starts in the head, I stayed relaxed and intensified my breathing. Minutes later I started to feel quite an unusual sensation in my body - both my arms were tingling. Like touching a low voltage wire or similar to the feeling of when your leg is asleep…I can’t describe it. I’m not sure if it was induced by the sensations of the BJ or my heavy breathing, but it was unreal.

TBK then started to turn it up full blast and starting moaning as my breathing intensified. Oh my god, hearing her squeal with such girlish moans and sighs was so hot, I could-not-stop-myself-from…..

“I’m cumming…I’m cumming!” I groaned as I felt the euphoria arriving. I did this not only as a response to the heat of the moment, but a warning…I didn’t know if TBK has boundaries for cum in the mouth from a new lover so I gave her the courtesy. But she didn’t back down and only continued to suck me harder when she heard that, and then I exploded.

Our time together wasn’t over just yet. TBK and I held each other very intimately over the next ten minutes or so as we came down from the high. I can’t pick a favorite moment of the evening as there were too many, but if I had to pick a moment to associate with the date, this was it. It was so incredibly intimate lying there with her in my arms, feeling her warmth and gently stroking her back. Up until this day, even hugs from girls was a foreign thing to me. She felt so good.

After a quick trip to the bathroom, she rejoined me on the bed and we embraced again. It was just incredibly cool, relaxing and free lying there completely nude with her and talking. Of the pillow talk we had, she mentioned she almost dozed off during the afterglow due to being intensely relaxed, completely vexed that *I* had never done hardly anything with a woman before, admitted that she enjoyed it far more than she thought she would, and even referred to me as a “Casanova.”

It was then that I shared with her a sneaking suspicion about myself based upon what activities I fantasized about in the past. Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and I think it’s safe to say that at some point in the future, other than my cherry getting popped you’ll be hearing about another TBK-Virgin adventure (hopefully several). I’ll leave it as a surprise until then, my readers.

Unfortunately there was no way I could get it up again, but I don’t think it mattered…we weren’t going any further than that that night anyway and I think we had come to a more than satisfying conclusion to the evening.

I took her back home and she took my arm as I walked her to the door. I kissed her at the doorstep and just before I turned away, she held up her hand. “HIGH FIVE!” she exclaimed as I reciprocated the gesture.

The evening was quite extraordinary and I’m kind of shocked at myself at how comfortable and in control I was the entire time. Even when we were doing the sexual stuff it felt strangely natural…as if I had done it before. I wonder if I was born special and my hidden power is pleasuring women. Maybe a man in horned-rimmed glasses will come to abduct me or a Japanese man will start hanging around me bragging that “he have power too.”

Anyway, moral of the story my poppets, and ignorant women who turn their nose up at untouched men take considerable note…..don’t underestimate a virgin.

Toilet Whores has few toilets, but that doesn’t stop us from getting busy on the toilet.

Late Evening

As we pulled into my driveway, there were two boys slowly walking in front that were a little slow when it came to the concept of moving out of the way when a car is coming head on. (TBK: “Which one would you do? … Just kidding!”) The adult store visit seemed to be a fun aphrodisiac to TBK as she was getting noticeably more playful in her tone, which put me at ease that maybe this date was actually going well.

We got inside and TBK was immediately fascinated with my place, apparently passing the female comfort stamp of approval (whew). Despite claiming that I was going to dispose of my liquor a few weeks ago, I never got around to it and decided to keep it around for guests. So I poured TBK a drink and we decided to get set up in the main bathroom upstairs.

The Bathroom

I ran around my place and fetched my Macbook Pro along with a tray table from the basement. (The picture on the right is an actual photo I took the next morning.) Once the movie was ready to go, TBK killed the lights and we started the movie.  With the lid cover down I sat down on the toilet and was trying to think of a way to coax her over onto my lap but she was leaning against the sink staring intently at the movie. The first scene started…but the setting wasn’t the bathroom. Instead, a Hungarian guy was leading a girl into his bedroom.

“What is it with you Hungarians? I don’t want to see your house! I need directions! Directions!”

(thick accent) “But I want to show you my bed.”

“But I don’t need to go to sleep!”

(vampiric like) “I WANT to sex you!”

“SEX? Oh…why didn’t you say so!”

The horrible music gets cued and TBK is laughing her ass off. “Where’s the toilet? There’s no toilet to be found! This is supposed to be ‘Toilet Whores!’” I chuckled and continued to watch the video, slightly perplexed and not quite sure what I should be doing. Fortunately TBK took the initiative; she turned towards me and asked “So…would you like to take my shirt off?”

Didn’t need to ask me twice. My excitement built as I slowly started unbuttoning her shirt. It draped over her breasts, then came off to reveal a cute black bra. We embraced and I moved her hair away from her neck to explore her neckline while she stroked my back and explored me as well. This was no stripper, lap dance or fake fantasy…this was the REAL thing this time!

I looked down into her eyes and then to her lips. In one of my previous posts (which I’ve taken down since due to identity compromise), I debated whether the ever-so-light tongue frenching of two strippers at a strip club counted as an official kiss. To be honest, the situation always had an artificial feel to it.

It didn’t matter anymore…it was time to make the kiss count once and for all as I went in on TBK’s lips. It was a brand new sensation and feeling as I gently kissed and explored her lips, but what really surprised me was how natural it felt to be kissing her.

As we came up for air, I bashfully said “You know…that was my first kiss.” So my readers, think about your first kiss. Was it on the playground in fifth grade with little Bobby or Suzy? Was it during your first real date in Junior High? Well, The Virgin’s first kiss was in a bathroom with a sexual goddess watching Toilet Whores. You need to learn by now that AS ALWAYS, MY story is much better.

I moved behind her and turned her forward towards the movie as we continued to explore each others bodies. It was time for me to be bold and be a man…without permission I went to unhook her bra. I was rusty and fumbled a bit for a few seconds trying to feel for the hook, but with one hand I twisted the hooks and the straps came falling down. Hey-hey, way to go Virgin! This act almost erases the creepy memories of how I learned how to unhook bras one-handed in the first place….almost.

I ran my hand down her shoulders and slowly removed each strap from her arm, her bra finally dangling off which I set on the top of the septic lid of the toilet. Her breasts were very cute and perky. Remembering her less-than-subtle hint about her breasts I explored them with my hands, not only working on the nipple but caressing the top and undersides of them. I was very gentle with her.

I was having my fun exploring the topless TBK, but it was time for TBK to have some fun too. I turned her back around facing me, started unbuttoning my shirt (with TBK’s excited assistance), then she lit up like a Christmas tree when it dropped away and my chest was revealed. “You’re hairy!” she exclaimed. (If you don’t read her blog, TBK is heavily turned on by hairy men.) I admit that I was worried about many things with my body before the date (blemishes, still kind of flabby, penis, etc), but the hair was never a concern. Actually I was a little surprised that she never noticed as it always peeks through my buttoned shirts and v-neck shirts. “And you never told me…” she cooed. I think the surprise legitimately turned her on and perhaps for the first time in my life I felt sexy…like a true seduction artist.

Oh that’s right…there was still a porno running in the bathroom. TBK sat on my lap as we watched the new scene…now with a toilet! We laughed our asses off as the girl (who looked coked out of her mind) sat on the toilet and squirted the contents of an unidentified bottle all over the guy and his penis. The guy in the video applied a douche contraption to it and you can imagine all the places they shoved that in.

“You like the taste of my pussy and my piss on it, don’t you?”

“Yeah…it tastes good you little slut.”

The incredibly bad dialog was amusing enough, but during the middle of the scene the oddest sound clip started playing in the background. I can’t describe it properly, listen for yourself…

TBK and I flashed each other a strange, inquisitive look. The fuck? “Is that some hidden message, Russian propaganda kind of thing? If you translate it will it say “Drink your ovaltine?” I joked. Sheesh, doesn’t porno movies even get run through a screening or quality assurance first? (In case anyone was wondering, Toilet Whores was made in 2005…I checked the box.)

The movie sucked and we were more interested in each other anyway; it was time to take things up a notch. As I mentioned in the previous post, when I found out that sex was off the plate I had ran out at the last minute to buy something to share with TBK later (other than the surprise I previously bought, now irrelevant…but only for now). However, the bathroom would have been impossible to do this in. I suggested to TBK that we move things to my bedroom and she agreed, leaving the movie and laptop behind in the bathroom. Sorry Toilet Whores, it was fun and no one can accuse you of NOT exploring new fetishes…but I was about to have a lot more fun exploring a goddess fetish.

The third and final installment is on Friday.

People will name off many fantasies of their ideal first date, but somehow I don’t think “Toilet Whores” ever made anyone’s list.

Early Afternoon

Got my dose of irony earlier in the day when TBK contacted me and apologized that she was on her period, leaving the fate of the date open to me. Do we simply reschedule for another night, keep the date and just make it casual, or keep the date and do everything but remove her panties? I still wanted to see her regardless, so I replied that we should keep the date and head back to my place and see where the night takes us…maybe we could watch a movie or something. Getting comfortable with one another before we took it all the way was probably for the best.

But after she replied with her approval, I realize how generic it all was - dinner and a movie - even a home video - was so blaaaaaaah. And what the fuck were we going to watch? Pollyanna? Worse yet, if things did move up into the bedroom regardless, how was I to please her? Couldn’t do oral. Couldn’t have sex. After pondering WWTBKD (”What Would The Beautiful Kind do?”) for a bit, I came up with a solution for the movie situation to make it more interesting. Shortly after, I also figured out what I could still do with her in bed that might turn her on. With only a few hours to go, it was off to the sex shop for a last minute purchase.

Late Afternoon

All afternoon my dick would not stay down and I started getting a very uncomfortable case of blue balls. As I hadn’t masturbated since Friday, it was my body’s way of saying “fuck you!” for disappointing it again with no sex. “Ah fuck it…we’re not having sex anyway and I need a clear head for the date,” I thought. So I decided to toss off and things returned to normal and I felt good and relaxed. They always say toss one off before the date so you last longer later, right? Unfortunately, this would absolutely come back to haunt me later in the evening.

Early Evening

No thanks to Google Maps, after circling the court like a vulture for a few minutes and realizing I was looking for the wrong house number, TBK comes out of her place to wave me down. She was looking as great as I had remembered her. We exchanged pleasantries and she hopped in my car as we move to the first location of the evening. Along the way, conversation went well as she probed me about my musical interests and I probed her about her consultation business. I realized another interesting thing about this date…unlike the original plans nothing was certain and I had no idea what the night held in store for us, which added anticipation.

We got to the restaurant and the snooty hostesses weren’t able to seat us right away, so TBK and I decide to take a walk around the area to kill time. After plopping down on a bench, she took immediate positive notice to my shoes (thank you Mark Nason, you ARE God) and that’s when the topic moved to going back to our plans later that evening.

“We could get popcorn and hit the Blockbuster to rent something…and who knows, we might have a good, normal time. But you and I are NOT normal people. So I think we should pickup some popcorn and check out a different kind of movie store.” I don’t think TBK took the hint at first and she mentioned something about liking cult classic movies. Eventually she got the idea. In case YOU don’t either, I was talking about going to an adult movie store and picking up the cheesiest thing we could find.

The restaurant seated us at last and dinner seemed to go well, though her silence at times caused me worry that I was being a boring date. I also felt myself going blank with an interesting topic at periods. But it always managed to work itself out and we got into an interesting conversation on relationship beliefs and ethics towards the end of the dinner. She mentioned the dissolution of her previous relationship and how it was “for the greater good” that they went their separate ways. Which is exactly my belief, people might cry and whine otherwise (“You stand by someone you love! People work it out! Blah blah blah!”) but sometimes two people are going to be far better off in the long run seeking other options instead of fighting against the inevitable. I’ve watched my friends fall into this trap for years and the result is always the same.

As time went on I was getting a little concerned that we were being too platonic, which is a big problem for guys always ending up in the “friend zone.” But I really hadn’t been in a situation where I could easily kino-escalate (touch), nor was I the best at flirting. We left the restaurant and two young girls was walking in our direction. “Which one would you do?” TBK asked. I gave them a brief glance….eh, frankly they kind of looked too plain, young and identical. I threw out an random answer to the question and TBK mentioned that she was impressed with my choice. Which made me wonder which one I actually picked…

As we turned the corner, I got a more firm answer from TBK on my crazy movie night idea. “My rules are that it’s gotta be interesting and it’s gotta be bloggable,” she replied. I take that as a yes. To the video store!

Mid Evening

Incoming text message:
The Friend: “How’s it going?”
The Virgin: “Fine, and you?” (Sorry buddy, gotta be more specific )

It was one of those evenings where we were hitting red at every single stoplight we were at. The first two video stores I had in mind were both closed (I guess even porn store owners observe Sundays) so we headed into the 24 Hour Pure Pleasure Megacenter located just next door to the second place.

As we approached the store I noticed the sign boasting about a “video arcade.” Huh, foreign concept to me. But I figured TBK could enlighten me. “Hmm…tell me, what is a video arcade? I assume that they have don’t have stuff in there like Super Mario Brothers, right?” TBK giggled and explained that they were private viewing booths that had panels on the sides where you could watch the person in the next booth over.

We looked at toys along the wall - some so large that I wonder if they require a use of a crowbar - then headed to the video section. They had a surprising selection of midget porn, nearly every shelf had some variety of it. What I really wanted was those horrible movie parodies and spinoffs of mainstream movies, but the store clerk said they didn’t have anything like that. TBK held up a movie from the six dollar bargain shelf and sweetly asked “If we don’t find anything else tonight, can we get this?”

I cocked my eye. “Toilet Whores?!? You’re serious?” The title on the box proudly exclaimed “Our pussies get so wet when we get fucked in the bathroom!” which only now makes me realize where she got her next idea from. “And do you have a laptop? I think we should watch it in the bathroom!” As I laughed and agreed I already knew that this was NOT going to be your average first date.

We got up to the counter and TBK noticed the video arcades that the signs outside promoted. After tossing the idea off on me, I told her I was game if we could be in the same booth. Unfortunately, the clerk stopped that idea really fast. “No, NO….can’t let you do that.” Geez, you’re no fun, guy. As we left the place I mentioned to TBK that maybe we should have done it stealth - get two separate booths and just move into the same one when the coast was clear.

Ah well…fuck that jealous guy. We were approaching my place and we had everything on us we needed to make our own video arcade.

Part two to this date is coming Wednesday.

Just who did I piss off up there?

Whether she already had a borefriend…

…or engaged. Then single. Then taken again before I could blink….

…faked out…

…stood up…

…left off of all the girl’s contact sheets at speed dating…

…my work deciding to dump overtime on me every single night I had a date planned…

…or even the fact that the most likely times I get a cold are before an event filled with girls, like wedding receptions.

You see, it’s been a recurring theme that fate intervenes anytime I try to get near the opposite sex. Well, you can add another angle to that list. TBK’s Aunt Flo has decided to come visit.

I’m starting to think that I’m the Jesus Christ of virgins or something…I have to suffer while everyone else gets to sin.

Well, it won’t be all bad…we’re still going out on a date this evening and maybe that’s the more natural thing to do. I just hope there isn’t any lighting in the sky tonight…I think I’m going to leave my rings off just in case…

Why is the item MOST associated with sex not available in abundance at a sex shop?

Despite being a virgin, even I have noticed the following thing for years. Why is it that sex / adult stores always seem to have a paltry and pathetic selection of condoms? You think a SEX specialty store of all places would have every variety known to man, but this isn’t the case. If they do have them, good luck finding those trusted brands like Trojan or Durex. What you will find - other than gimmick items like vibrating rings and flavored condoms - are no-name brands with a hot chick on the box. How durable and tested are those things anyway? To me, it feels like buying one of those cheap budget TVs like Visio and Westinghouse from Wal-Mart.

Speak of the devil, yet if you go into nearly any Wal-Mart or Walgreens you’ll find a HUGE variety of rubbers from climax control, ribbed and YES, even the ones with a vibrating ring. You would think it would be THOSE places that would only carry the plain old boring lubricated ones. But in reality, it’s like condom Christmas at those stores.

But buying them at such places aren’t fun. They usually stick the section in the most VISIBLE place in the pharmacy area so you feel uneasy about browsing and mulling around. After picking them up, you do your best to hide them underneath whatever else you’ve purchased (towels are good). Then don’t get me started on standing in line and praying that there isn’t a holdup. Worse yet, a family with nosy kids that lines up behind you and rudely watches every item you scan intently.

The self-checkout lanes - WHEN THEY WORK - is the best-est friend to shy teens / adults and inexperienced virgins like me. Otherwise, beware of the machine locking up on the scan and hearing the dreaded “Please wait for an associate for further assistance.”

A good scout is always prepared.

So if you don’t follow The Beautiful Kind’s website, the cat’s out of the bag…the date is indeed this weekend. Being how I am a perfectionist by nature (have to be in my career), I’ve naturally been working hard to make sure everything is good for then. Going down the list…

Haircut. Check!

Dentist. Check! No cavities, and my teeth never looked and felt so clean either! However they said might have to pull my wisdom and molar since “I have a young mouth” and they never grew in, that wasn’t such pleasant news.

Cologne. Check! Years ago Mom bought me a bottle of stuff called Obsession as a Christmas gift, but sheesh, who wants to wear what your 50+ year old mother finds attractive? So I hit Macy’s and got something more modern, new and sexy.

Clean apartment. Seems to get cluttered again every time I blink…I am a guy you know. I rarely have company so it’s not usually a big deal, but it WILL be spotless by this weekend.

Clean car. See previous.

Condoms. Check!

Masturbate. Actually, rethinking that one. TBK suggested doing it before the date to help last later in the evening, but my testosterone is far higher and I feel more sexual when I haven’t done it in a few days. Even if I do pop early, I’m taking my time and enjoying this nice and slowly. I’ve waited too long to just let everything end in thirty seconds.

Miscellaneous. Check! I went to an adult store and bought a little something for my night with TBK. I’ll leave it as a surprise but I always had a strange idea (but never a woman to try it with), so this could be very interesting - IF my jaw can take it…

Tripped across this on accident on Ask Dan and Jennifer’s site: The 10 Worst Online Dating Headlines And Why They Suck

Take a good close look at number one. That is an eighty-six percent problem right there.

I’ve reached the top and am peering over that track downwards….

Well, time is ticking away on my celibacy, we are coming down to it. When I first got thrown TBK’s offer and it really hit home that I was going to have sex, I was a bit panicky. Sort of like how you feel safe in a classroom as you’ve gone unnoticed and suddenly the teacher calls on you.

As time went on I felt nonchalant about the whole thing, as if it were another thing or event in my life. But now that the moment is upon me, that dread is starting to come back. Worrying about whether I’ll be interesting or not, if I will look any “good” or not, etc. Not to mention how many “firsts” there are going to be that evening, whether it’s “firsts in a while” (like a date) or “firsts period.” Let me tell you, reading about the physique of her last stud conquest does not give me the greatest confidence in the world. Maybe even wanting to rethink the whole thing for six months while I put in more effort at the gym.

However, this is NOT an unfamiliar feeling. It took me a little bit to figure out just where I felt this way before. Eventually I remembered…roller coasters.

I used to be frightened of roller coasters as a kid. I would stay behind at the bench while the other people in my party would line up for a ride. Later on, I decided to brave it and step foot on one at Six Flags. You go through several stages of emotion during that time and it’s not entirely unlike the sex situation.

You slowly get enough nerve together to approach the line. You pretend to be brave and step in, but a dread comes over you as more people line up behind you. Unless you want to look like a pussy there is no going back. As the line moves ever so slowly along, you start to feel cool with the situation and not think it’s a big deal….at first. You eventually make your way to the front few rows of the line and you quickly feel that panic returning. You want to turn around now but it’s FAR too late for that.

The moment of truth is here, it’s your turn. You get buckled in the car and the roller coaster makes it’s slow climb to the top of the track. Your heart is pounding out of your shirt and you suddenly curse yourself for ever getting into line. You get to the top and hear the screams of people in the first seats as the cars begin to make their drop. Oh….SHIT. Then it happens…you’re plunging down the track at 60mph and screaming your head off. But as you’re going through baptism by fire you slowly start to realize that despite your screaming…..you’re actually having a blast.

The ride comes to an end and you get out….totally eager and ready for another go.

Ever since that day, I love roller coasters. Well, not so much now - I just can’t see standing in line for two hours for a 60 second ride. But that’s a different story.

It totally sucks feeling this way because millions of people are so freakin’ casual about sex. I hear how people have sex on a frequent basis. Airforce Friend said he could call up several women and have a fun romp in the sack that night. It’s so sad how all of the above is completely a foreign concept to me. So foreign that I would think people would be satisfied with getting laid maybe one every year or two, but I guess not.

But this is for my own good…it is completely ridiculous to be a virgin at my age and I badly, badly need to do this. It’s probably going to be great and after I get the sex over with, I’m going to love it. Like I loved roller coasters once.

Every person deserves their fifteen minutes and I got mine.

“I barely recognized you, man…you have lost weight!”

“No way! No fucking way!”

“You do NOT look anything like in school!”

“Damn, you look incredible!”

If I received money for every time I heard that last night, then I could pay off the country’s debt, heh. At the very least, I think I would have been in the running for a “most changed” or “most improved” award.

Anyway, Airforce Friend, The Friend and I met up at my place and stopped off at a Show Me’s for a few drinks first (soda for me, thanks). During the course of table conversation, the topic got onto the kinkiest things ever done in bed. Deja vu went through my head and I didn’t need this on the verge of the reunion - AND ESPECIALLY losing my virginity - and I prayed that the topic of discussion would not fall unto me. The topic changed before it did, thank god.

We arrived at the reunion location and as expected, unfamiliar faces came up to us to chat and I got the Cinderella reception above. What kind of surprised me was that people who were total dicks back then turned out to be pretty cool now…I guess a decade does that kind of thing. I made nice with many people from the past, and I was even sitting amongst an entourage at dinner which consisted of some of the (once) most popular kids in school along with the student class president.

Then in the corner of my eye from across the room…..it was HER. Granted I had not seen her in a decade but there was no mistaking her. She looked about the same as I had remembered and standing with a guy whom I was certain was her husband….actually I believe the same guy who I saw holding her hand in the hall that day. Now to be honest this came as no surprise to me - I saw her married name on the reunion email and had already put two and two together.

I dunno….to marry the first guy that came along and only experience one person? Some say that would be romantic…I say it’s boring. In fact, boredom leads to affairs. Anyway, do you want to know how I felt when I found out she had married? NOTHING. That’s right. Actually, I sort of felt relieved although I don’t quite understand why. But either way I think this is a significant sign that the old me has died and I don’t fall for silly crushes anymore.

But I still wanted one thing from her that night….to take one good look at me. That was it, nothing more. Better yet, I wanted her to do it in front of her husband. Fifty extra bonus points if the sight of me made her perhaps second guess her choice I’m not sure if that happened as we never got too close to one another and my attention was diverted on other conversation so I didn’t pay her much mind. But with the warm reception, surprise and looks I was getting, I think it would have been impossible NOT to notice me.

Moving on, during the last part of the evening another classmate came up to me, looking much more ripped than I had remembered. Although he never said three words to me in high school, that wasn’t the case here. He went on a friendly tangent about how he saw me on MySpace two months ago and couldn’t get over the weight loss, was wondering ever since then if I would be there that night, would look even leaner than I did, what kind of gym I went to, amongst other things. He even insisted on taking a photo with me. (The Friend: “You know that’s probably going up on his MySpace.”) Um….it’s nice to have a fan?

After we left the reunion, Airforce Friend gave his theory on that guy’s warm reception towards me. “He’s juicing dude….he’s totally juicing. I can see it.”

After leaving the reunion, Airforce Friend insisted on a strip club…you know how much I love those. But unlike the other times where I got stuck there for hours on end, they ended up wanting to leave after twenty minutes! What can I say….I’m impressed.

So now my high school reunion is now history and I think I got out of it exactly what I wanted. I got my moment in the spotlight and feel like I have reconciled my past at last. Those people finally met the “me” that should have existed to begin with. More importantly, the “old me” is dead once and for all…..which is what I wanted “her” to understand the most. If she does, then I can finally now be at peace with myself for what I had done and have been ashamed about all these years.

With that part of my life put right, there is still one more thing to do. Something long overdue…

The only thing that has eluded me longer than sex…

Ugh…I have such a headache from work today. Anyway, I could sure go for one of these right now…

…but sadly I think I have more chance of making one of these happen…

That’s right! The last time I *really* took one of these was about four years ago. To be honest, since I started my current job over six months ago I have yet to take any vacation time. So if I can get the money together, I would love to take a vacation. Only where would I go? The Boss suggested a “staycation,” but who wants to waste a vacation week doing the same crap around the house that they basically do on the weekend?

I think I’d like to take a week long cruise. Hell, I already get a week off during the Christmas season anyway so maybe I could take a week off before then and make it a two week cruise.

Only thing that blows is that cruises are ample opportunities to spend with a lover having mindblowing sex in the cabin. Me, I’ve obviously never have been that fortunate in that department. Nor would I be able to get any friends to go with me due to varying reasons (cost, time, etc). So as always, I make my own company and will have to settle for relaxing in the sun on deck and taking pictures of stupid landmarks.

Although after working my butt off for so long, that doesn’t sound so bad right about now.

Yeah, lots of options in my class…..unfortunately they grew up to Hillary Duff.

So yeah, school is back in session for me after all these years and to be honest, it feels good. I don’t feel out of place at all and it’s far more worthwhile learning something than sitting at home watching TV or whatnot.

And yes, there are indeed some cute girls in my drawing class. Although they are a little on the young side…maybe 18-19ish. I’m not sure I want to be messing around with girls that young. The two problems with many in that age group is that they either fall in love every five minutes or get too easily attached. The Friend had that problem years ago. The girl he was dating was a young’un and she was chatting about marriage and long term plans only after they’ve seen each other a few times.

I was kind of hoping since these are night classes that some girls in their early-to-mid twenties would come around, but nothing. It really is weird, but all the single girls seem to disappear right around that age. As another friend of mine said once when he was griping about his drought, “they ALWAYS has a boyfriend or are married.” While I learned since then that girls will use that as an excuse or screening tactic, often times it is absolutely the truth. For example, all the girls at my job are legitimately in a relationship or married/engaged….EVERY single one. Or look at the women I’ve fallen for in the past, ALL spoken for.

Which is why I’ve changed my thinking in the past few years and if the opportunity presented itself, I absolutely would go after (bored) girls in relationships. As Ross Jeffries said on the subject, you severely limit your options if you disregard them because attractive women will likely be claimed already. Alls fair in love and war and I learned the hard way that if you let your conscience get in the way and don’t make your move regardless of the situation, another guy WILL jump in before you even blink. What gets the best results won’t always put a halo on your head.

OR….could always avoid all that and date them young before they get snatched up. But as I mentioned above, that comes with it’s own set of problems. So damned if I do and damned if I don’t, eh? Sigh…well, if nothing else I’ll at least learn how to draw a straight line in that drawing class. Here’s to a perfect triangle.

For what it’s worth, I got off very easy this past weekend compared to some other kids. I won’t go into details out of respect for the promoter, as he worked hard and put his ass on the line to throw the event. As far as I’m concerned, he can’t be responsible for a bunch of assholes who can’t handle what they take. But man, the event I was at and it’s antics is starting to make at least the local evening news in the area and it’s definitely controversial.

What happens there stays there and I can put that into the past and look forward to future events to come soon. As mentioned before, there’s my high school reunion this weekend. I just started classes at college and I’ll talk about the “scenery” in there shortly. Then I have a few thoughts leading up to D-Day. (D-flowering, that is.)

I have noticed a lot of new people coming here lately and looking over the archives, and I am actually pruning a lot of things down, namely my back story entries. When I wrote them I wanted to cover anything and everything I could think of, but now the story has served it’s purpose to me so I wanted to trim the fat - basically keeping it on female interactions - and make the story more accessible to new readers. I hope my blunders will serve as a warning to young men out there so they can avoid my fate.

Prior to starting this blog, I looked around the web to see if anyone else was doing something like this. While there were, pretty much all the virgin blogs I found sucked. One I came across was of a girl in college who finally did the deed, but just chimed in one post casually that “it finally happened, cool” and offered no details. Another guy also did a blog, but went nearly a year without an update and then summarized to some degree that sex was bullshit and he wasn’t going to try and get laid anymore, or something like that.

But I won’t leave you hanging folks…you’ll get all the juicy details here after the deed is done. When? Soon, that’s all I’ll say.

I don’t care if anyone calls me a pussy in the bar, I’m through with that poison.

Just got back from my weekend out at the music event I was talking about, and boy do I regret going. Not that there was wrong with anything with the event itself, that was fine and dandy. Friday night went splendidly…but that was because I didn’t drink. I DID drink on Saturday and overdid it to the point that I completely blacked out and can’t remember anything.

I woke up on the ground at 6AM and aside from some unidentifiable scars on my face, I realized that I had also done something highly embarrassing…so much that I’m not going to mention what. I got up and stumbled around. The first thing I noticed missing was the specialized musicians earplugs that I wear to such events and they weren’t cheap to have made. But I was feeling so sick at that point that I didn’t care…I just wanted to get back to my hotel room, clean myself up and go home.

I started to rummage through my pockets to check to see if I had lost anything else. Digital camera - check. iPhone - check. Money - check. Keys. …. Keys. ….. KEYS? WHERE THE HELL ARE MY KEYS?

As far as I was concerned, everything else on me was expendable. This wasn’t a situation where I could call a friend for help or take a taxi home. For one, I was in a park / campground in the middle of nowhere and had no signal. There were new friends I knew that were there, but the area was so huge that they could be anywhere…not to mention I didn’t want them to see me in this condition. Second, I was about 150 miles from home. No keys, I don’t go home. I really didn’t understand how my keys got lost because I put them in the most secure pocket in my cargo shorts.

I scoured the campgrounds over the next two hours and retraced every single step that I could remember. I even checked the digital camera to see if I could identify any areas I hadn’t remembered being in when I was intoxicated. Some of the party-goers still around watched me with curiosity as I was transfixed on the ground. “Hey dude, did you lose your marbles or somethin’?” they said.

I came full circle back to the spot where I woke up and managed to find one of my earplugs…truly a needle in the haystack. But I couldn’t locate the other as the area was too grassy…I would have traded that found earplug for my keys anyway. After a while I crashed near the second stage, feeling tired and sick…wondering how I was going to check out of the hotel back in town, let alone get home.

Suddenly one of the guys I had talked to earlier that was now loading speakers into the truck approached me. “Are these yours?” In his hand was a sight for sore eyes, they were indeed my keys. “How…how the HELL did you find them?” I asked. He said that he found them sitting on one of the speakers. I was dumbstruck…why in the HELL would I take my keys out on the stage and set them down carelessly like that? But it didn’t matter, the important thing was that I could now go home. I didn’t have to, but I gave the guy twenty bucks as a reward…he fucking earned it and is my guardian angel as far as I was concerned.

I got back into town to my hotel room, showered and soaked my clothes in the sink, checked out, stopped at a Wal-Mart to buy some replacement clothing, hit the road home and here I am, safe and sound.

But I’ll tell you something…this situation was completely beneath me and I’m ashamed of myself. I fucked up…I’m better than that. But it’s important to learn from your mistakes and indeed I have. First, I’m getting something to lock my keys to my belt / pocket whenever I go to future events like this. Second, I’m making a spare key to hide in the car…in a DIRE emergency I will have to just break out the window. Third, I’m going to purchase an earplug replacement…that cost is my punishment. At least I found one of them so I hope the audiologist keeps the molds on record so I can order a replacement.

Forth - and most importantly - I’m done. While alcohol is fun to do at the time, it destroys lives and I don’t need that in my life….it’s absolutely poison for my body. Tonight I will be pouring out a few hundred dollars worth of bottles and putting them in the garbage where they belong. The only drink you’ll find in my hands at a club from now on is water or soda.

I’m not into the punk culture or anything, but aside from that as far as I’m concerned you can officially deem me straight-edge.