Asperger’s Syndrome?
Is this the answer to myself that I’ve been looking for?
I was walking around the mall last weekend parading my new purchase, which I quickly found was a foolish on a Friday night unless I wanted to date girls that I’d be taking to a Hannah Montana concert. I wondered into the Borders and looked around. As I came across the psychology section, I looked up and saw the book “Look Me in the Eye: My Life With Asperger’s” by John Elder Robison.
I had a flashback to when I had confided in a female friend about my v-card situation and my theories on why. I recalled she made mention of Asperger’s Syndrome, which I didn’t look too closely into it because I was unemployed at the time and didn’t have the insurance to have something like that looked into. I didn’t give it another thought and had put it out of my mind. Remembering that now, I decided to pick this book up.
I did a great deal of skimming and speed reading through the unnecessary parts such as the electronics talk and the details about working with KISS, but I actually finished the entire book (280+ pages) in just around four hours. After I put it down, the feeling I felt was indescribable…as if someone had written a book about me. I felt kind of like Atreyu in The Neverending Story when he saw his adventures painted and depicted on the wall. So much that I half expected an ugly thing with glowing eyes to start talking to me from the corner of the living room.
The author….
- had dysfunctional parents and his mother was manic
- had trouble meeting friends and spent a great deal of time alone
- committed illegal pranks as a kid
- rarely took interest in other peoples’ conversations and stories
- described feeling robotic and lacking empathy
- had difficulty with sarcasm and banter
- had the ability to completely focus and self-taught himself skills that turned into a career
- despised small talk and described his observation of normal people “acting in a superficial, false manner in conversation and his expression of annoyance was an attempt to strike a blow for logic and rationality”
- Most of all - as the title suggests - he has trouble looking people in the eye
All that hit way too close to home. The question remains…could I be an undiagnosed Aspergers? Gre-eat…yet another problem getting in my way of experiencing any type of intimacy in life.
John Elder Robison Says:
April 18th, 2008 at 6:07 am
The world is full of undiagnosed Aspergians. If you saw yourself in the story, you may well be one.
You may want to check out the Asperger Association of New England, http://www.aane.org and GRASP, http://www.grasp.org to see if there are any groups or events near you
And remember, as I stress is my book, Asperger’s is a difference - not a deficiency. And awareness of your differences can only help you succeed.
curiousgirl Says:
April 18th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
i have worked with a few children diagnosed with asperger’s…and let me tell you…the diagnosis was such a freedom for them…these were children struggling against multiple diagnoses and various medications…every one is a successful, thriving individual…and, while there were some intense times, working through it has proven infinitely rewarding for them and for me…i’d like to hear how things work out for ya…
cg
Alex Foster Says:
April 18th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Or you may have Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD). I thought I had Asperger’s for years and then I found out I actually have SPD. Have a look at the wikipedia site on it (it’s quite accurate) and see what you think.
One thing about Aspies and schizoids are that they don’t often desire sex with other people, though. And you… seem to.