V-Carded! An Twenty-something adult male's struggle with virginity and sexual frustration

Boasts itself as the ultimate male sex toy, unfortunately it’s the ultimate pain-in-the-ass to properly clean.

It’s been a little while since I had a pervy entry, hasn’t it? (For a blog focusing on my sexuality.) That’s because frankly there’s little to tell. I’m a virgin, remember?

But maybe I got one thing. In my early twenties I was taking a drive back from a long vacation. When driving for many hours, it’s incredibly easy to let your mind wander and get horny as hell. There was an adult sex shop on the side of the road so I decided to pull off, stretch my legs and have some fun looking around the store.

It was there that I saw the Fleshlight for the first time, basically advertised as being to men what the vibrator is to women. (Hell, it’s so high and mighty it even has it’s own MySpace.) If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a fake vagina made with some strange latex material that is designed to feel as much like the real thing as possible. I stopped. “Like the real thing?” I wondered.

I looked around to make sure no one was watching me, grabbed one off the shelf and went to ring out. God I felt like such a pervert. By the way, you ever get in that situation where you wish the cashier would just HURRY the fuck up? If any kind of store needs a self-checkout lane, it’s a sex store. Anyway, no sooner did the credit card receipt get printed from the machine was I out the door. Hours later I bought it home and came the test drive.

Verdict? Well, they are definitely quite an improvement from masturbation, that’s for certain. But it is kind of cumbersome to handle, I wish there was something that you could rest and let it do the work for you (that doesn’t cost $800+ bucks).

The Fleshlight’s biggest problem holding it back is the cleanup. It’s not so much washing it out so much as it is drying the damned thing. As the “vagina” is enclosed it is very difficult to get the insides dry enough which can result in potential mildew. Definitely not as straightforward as women’s toys that are cleaned from the outside and wiped off. As such, the cleanup makes it a “once-in-a-while” toy at best. I haven’t used this in a great while as I’m more interested in the real thing at this point, honestly.

But you know what? This thing would be a godsend to horny teenage boys, I personally would have loved this as a teenager. It’s only a shame teens can’t get their hands on one so (easily) until they’re 18.

And another thing…women actually love this thing! I came across a review site once where women were talking about how they bought one for their boyfriends/husbands and completely enjoyed watching them use it. What sweethearts.

Posted May 24th, 2008 in Reviews

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