V-Carded! An Twenty-something adult male's struggle with virginity and sexual frustration

So in conclusion, is the seduction market all deceptive practices and money opportunities…or is there a little more than meets the eye?

There are certainly no lack of guys out there ready to sell you everything you need to know to turn your love life around, is there?

The whole seduction field has become a science of sorts, and perhaps rightfully so. Humans want to believe so badly that they can choose what they become attracted to, but that isn’t the case….as David DeAngelo says, “Attraction isn’t a choice.” As human beings we are programmed to generally respond better to certain traits for our own mating success. There will always people who don’t fit that mold (they might go for the nerdy, submissive types, for example), but I believe that more people “want to believe” they’re exceptions rather than truly being exceptions themselves. We all want to believe we’re special when we’re more in common with others than we think.

Some women will still oppose men learning pickup/seduction/etc and say that learning such things is pointless if they “just be themselves.” Yet the guys don’t understand it when they precisely do that and still get ignored by the girl…who turns around and goes with the same kind of guy she claims she would never, ever date in the first place! The men are confused and start wondering what it is that those men are doing that they are not.

That’s what this kind of education is all about. Is getting education to do better in your career “deceptive?” That’s ridiculous, because we’re not born with that kind of knowledge. Equally true of love, dating and sex. Some guys are fortunate and learn it naturally, but others don’t have that kind of benefit. This is becoming increasingly true in our single parent world these days.

I think one part of the opposition to such education is simply the lack of information on what it’s about. While there is certainly ample opportunity to misuse such information and each “guru” has their approach, everything I’ve learned about seduction is more about self-improvement than anything else. Becoming a more interesting conversationalist. Not becoming needy, wimpy or approval seeking. Learning not to take rejection so literally. Be better in bed. Most of all, how to put a smile on women’s faces. As Style has put it, it’s not about being yourself, “it’s about being your BEST self.”

That’s why I talk about all this…I know there are LOTS of guys out there walking around with their eyes shut as I had once. It sinks my heart to know there is a young man of seventeen or eighteen out there right now being brainwashed with the wrong “bring her flowers, tell her all your feelings” kind of crap which will only bite him in the butt. It is you young guys that need this kind of education most of all, because your entire twenties counts on it. But I don’t want you to take my advice at face value, I’M A FUCKING VIRGIN AFTER ALL. I simply want to give men “food for thought” and lead them towards the right sources who are the real deal.

BUT MEN…be careful of the trap that the seduction market holds. Not only do the gurus know how to seduce women, they also know how to seduce YOU. It goes a little like this…you buy one eBook and start to get a little enlightenment. You might have a little more success, but you’re still not getting anywhere. So then you shell out a few hundred and buy a CD set. When that doesn’t work, you move on to another guy and hope that HIS products has the answers you’re looking for. Then you buy another guru’s product. And another. And another. All the while you start notice the similarities in what they’re teaching and wonder if anyone has anything new to add. Sounds like taking drugs? In some ways, it is.

Listen to me very, very carefully….the truth is that until you discover and repair the harm that lies within yourself, none of this stuff will do ANY good. The products might band-aid the problem and get you some temporary results, but it doesn’t completely fix it. Look at me. Until you can fix your own hangups, it’s all snake oil. You can’t buy confidence, you have to create it for yourself.

Don’t get me wrong…I believe there are “gurus” out there who are sincere about their desire to help men and don’t give a damn about the money. I also believe there are those who aren’t any less sincere, but realistic about keeping food on the table thus they charge for their services like any other working man. And of course, I also believe that some guys see it nothing more than a money making opportunity. Sorry, but there is no excuse for a $2000-$4000 DVD set.

Whatever the case, with too much product and too much exposure I fully believe the bubble is about to burst on the whole seduction market. I also think that it is “then” that we will see who is the real deal and who is simply a fly-by-night opportunist in it for the money.

No matter what advice you decide to follow, remember that the path to redemption and self-improvement ultimately starts with YOU. Also know that you don’t necessarily have to spend money (or much of it) to learn, there are guys out there who already offer plenty of advice or even personal help for next to nothing. Player Supreme’s forum and podcast. David Wygant’s blog. Doc Love’s and David DeAngelo’s columns on AskMen.com. Sarge Nation. Lance of Honey and Lance. I usually try and stay away from female advice as a lot of it is the source of problems for men (typically from aged and out-of-touch advice columnists), but there are even some girls who know what’s really up, too. Honey of Honey and Lance. And I can’t recommend Hot Alpha Female enough.

But don’t forget about your old buddy The Virgin. I’m your “scared straight” virgin, the guy you don’t want to become. Just like that creepy ex-con invited to your middle school assembly that tells you in detail what prison is like. And I also want to point out that as an alternative to the higher priced stuff above, you could always go to the very sources that many of these seduction gurus have learned from.

Oh yes, there are very affordable books on sexual psychology, evolution and theory sitting on the bookshelf of your favorite bookstore right now that they’ve based their principals off of. Not to mention there are also female books on seducing men that can give you further insight to the supposed “games” THEY play and why. There is a lot of good and fascinating stuff out there on your bookshelves! I’ll be going over such things and more, so stay tuned!

Posted July 31st, 2008 in Seduction

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